Abbott Elementary is the hilariously heartwarming gift that keeps on giving. This week’s episode, “Wrong Delivery,” is no exception. What starts as the wrong textbooks arriving at the school morphs into a fierce competition to see whose idea to improve Abbott will receive the grant funds. Of course, there’s fun B-plot action with Gregory figuring out how to break up with Taylor. Oh, and plenty of subtle Granine moments to keep our collective heart aflutter.
Below, I’ve compiled a list of quotes I loved from this week’s episode of Abbott Elementary. Class is in session!
GREGORY: You know that saying, don’t, you know, where you eat? They should also say don’t do that where her mother eats.
Poor Gregory (Tyler James Williams). This harried man seems like he could do with a spa weekend. He spends most of “Wrong Delivery” fretting over potentially breaking up with Taylor while keeping his work relationship with Barbara (Sheryl Lee Ralph) intact. When he decides to adopt Jacob’s (Chris Perfetti) tried and true method of “petering out,” Barbara inadvertently reveals her daughter’s plan to end things with him.
Here’s hoping Gregory isn’t fearful of circumventing the “don’t sh*t where you eat” rule for Janine (Quinta Brunson). I need my Granine ship to set sail soon.
MELISSA: You know, in the end times, it’s just gonna be cockroaches roaming the empty streets and Janine holding up a sign that says, “Turn That Frown Upside Down.”
Melissa’s (Lisa Ann Walter) line about Janine outlasting the apocalypse alongside the cockroaches due to sheer optimism might be too accurate. Our girl does love herself some positivity. I think we could all use a dose of Janine’s “turn that frown upside down” outlook.
AVA: Thanks for being here, Courtney. I think of you like a young me.
COURTNEY: I think of you like an old me.
AVA: This ain’t “A Star Is Born.” I’ll shut your tiny ass down.
Ava (Janelle James), Mr. Johnson (William Standford Davis) and Courtney (Lela Hoffmeister) host their own version of Shark Tank, encouraging Abbott Elementary’s finest to submit their proposals for how best to utilize the school’s grant funds. Naturally, Ava judges everyone based on whether their ideas ultimately serve her needs.
Before the proceedings, the above exchange takes place. As with every Ava line and interaction, it’s hilarious. Now I want to watch an episode where Ava mentors Courtney.
BARBARA: You have got to be straightforward. “Petering out” is just not of the Lord.
Barbara has some of the best lines on the show. A significant contributing factor to said lines’ efficacy is Sheryl Lee Ralph’s brilliant delivery. Barbara tells him that “petering out” is just not of the Lord, which is even funnier when bearing in mind Peter’s denial of Jesus in the Bible and Barbara’s devout faith.
AVA: I really killed that today. Kids happy, Janine quiet, Gregory fine. I feel like I got a real knack for this, like I could be president or maybe even mayor of a school. What would you call that?
Why, some might call that a principal! Ava, once again, is a treasure trove of one-liners and gags. The above quote made me actually laugh out loud, and it takes a lot for me to do that. The writers should change Ava’s job title to “Mayor of Abbott Elementary.”
What are your favorite quotes from “Wrong Delivery”? Sound off in the comments below!
Abbott Elementary airs Wednesdays at 9/8c on ABC, with next-day streaming on Hulu.