Another week, another quote-worthy Abbott Elementary episode. Season 3 Episode 5, “Breakup,” boasts countless clever zingers, hilarious one-liners and brilliant jokes. Seriously, it was a struggle to gather favorite quotes for this list. And the funny barrels forward at a mile a minute, from beginning to end. 

I loved watching Barbara and Ava find common ground while Janine and Melissa join forces. Of course, I’d be remiss if I omitted the Two Musketeers, Gregory and Jacob, and their bonding as Jacob navigates choppy relationship waters. “Breakup” experiments with character dynamics to great success. It’s our endearing, lovable cast that drives this narrative. 

Below, I’ve compiled a list of quotes I loved from this week’s episode of Abbott Elementary. Class is in session!

RELATED: Read our recap of this week’s Abbott Elementary episode, “Breakup”

Out All Night 

MELISSA: “Takes me back to when I used to stay out all night to avoid my problems. But that was last week.”

Melissa (Lisa Ann Walter) knows a thing or two about going out on the town. This is a classic joke setup: you think Melissa’s reminiscing about partying in her 20s and 30s until she hits you with the, “But that was last week.” I always knew our Philly girl was down to clown.

Her reaction to Gregory (Tyler James Williams) referring to her as an “old gal” made me cackle. As long as Mel-Mel’s got her “liquid marijuana,” as Barbara (Sheryl Lee Ralph) puts it, she’s good to go.

Barbara wears a hot pink sweater while smiling and standing in front of a microphone on a stage in Abbott Elementary Season 3 Episode 5, "Breakup."

ABBOTT ELEMENTARY Season 3 Episode 5, “Breakup.” Photo credit: Disney/Gilles Mingasson

MR. JOHNSON: “We used to be the Three Musketeers. But now I’m one musketeer, and they’re just two [bleep] that don’t invite me to things.” 

Could you imagine a subplot where Gregory, Jacob (Chris Perfetti) and Mr. Johnson (William Stanford Davis) wreak havoc in Philly together? Gettin’ up to no good? This is the real breakup in “Breakup” — the disbanding of the Three Musketeers. May we all collectively heal from this with the passage of time. 

RELATED: Class Is in Session: Best Quotes From Abbott Elementary‘s “Smoking”

Dance Over Homework

AVA: “Remember, practicing is more important than your homework. And if any of your teachers disagree, I can and will fire them.” 

Ava (Janelle James) knows that with great power comes great responsibility. She watched Spider-Man. Nothing takes precedence over step class, especially homework. I wonder how many teachers Ava has fired in the name of her motto. 

Jacob holds a dart in his hands while Gregory watches in a packed bar in Abbott Elementary Season 3 Episode 5, "Breakup."

ABBOTT ELEMENTARY Season 3 Episode 5, “Breakup.” Photo credit: Disney/Gilles Mingasson

JACOB: “I love it here! It’s like Cheers, except nobody knows my name.” 

Sometimes, Jacob wants to go where nobody knows his name. I know that feeling, bro. I love the evolution of Gregory and Jacob’s friendship in “Breakup.” It’s sweet and hilarious, just like this show. And we all know Gregory could’ve easily used one of his other pens later in the episode. He simply wanted to comfort his buddy during a trying time. 

RELATED: Geek Girl Authority Crush of the Week: Barbara Howard

Make Bold Food Choices

JANINE: “I didn’t get in this position by shying away from bold choices. Put me down for the Waldorf salad, extra grapes.” 

I identify with Janine (Quinta Brunson) so much it’s not even funny (well, there might be some wiggle room for humor). This quote reinforces that for me. Do you know how difficult it is to order food when out and about, let alone relay what you want to someone else in an office setting? Hell, I struggle to plan my meals when I’m at home. Side note: Brunson’s delivery here is perfection. 

Mr. Johnson holds a headset near his ear while standing on a stage in front of a laptop. Ava dances next to him in Abbott Elementary Season 3 Episode 5, "Breakup."

ABBOTT ELEMENTARY Season 3 Episode 5, “Breakup.” Photo credit: Disney/Gilles Mingasson

BARBARA: “Well, sometimes she does sound like she’s the one up on the cross.”

Barbara’s got the zingers. This line made me giggle. So, her church rival sounds like she’s getting nails driven into her hands and feet and has a crown of thorns on her head? Ouch. 

RELATED: Geek Girl Authority Crush of the Week: Melissa Schemmenti

AVA: “Hey, Barb. Do you know ‘Go Down Moses’? ‘Cause I’m gonna need you to let my people go.”

Ava never fails to make me laugh with a perfectly timed, carefully curated, quickly delivered one-liner. That said, I’d spend all day listening to Sheryl Lee Ralph sing, whistle tones and all. The rest of the people can go, but I’ll stay. 

What are your favorite quotes from “Breakup”? Sound off in the comments below.

Abbott Elementary drops new episodes every Wednesday at 9 PM on your ABC affiliate, with next-day streaming on Hulu

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Melody McCune
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