Another week, another quote-worthy Abbott Elementary episode. “Festival” is even better than last week’s “Teacher Appreciation.” It has our Abbott crew tackling the Legendary Charter Schools catastrophe head-on to hilarious and heartwarming results. The outing features great guest stars Leslie Odom Jr., Zack Fox and Naté Jones. As expected, Janine (Quinta Brunson) and Gregory (Tyler James Williams) had to deal with their respective exes.
When the teachers learn about Draemond’s (Odom Jr.) plan to turn Abbott into a charter school, they endeavor to gather signatures from the parents to petition against the move. However, they realize they need something more enticing to reel them in. Enter AVA Fest, a festival organized by Ava (Janelle James), Janine, Gregory, Barbara (Sheryl Lee Ralph), Melissa (Lisa Ann Walter), Jacob (Chris Perfetti), Mr. Johnson (William Stanford Davis) and the rest of the staff. Chaos ensues.
“Festival” doles out cracking one-liners, solid comedic performances and plenty of serotonin-boosting dancing. Watching the teachers and parents triumph over Legendary Charter Schools and save Abbott is gratifying. Even Jacob (or “Jason,” according to Ava) and Mr. Morton (Jerry Minor) become besties amid the ordeal. (Or do they?)
Below, I’ve compiled a list of quotes (and moments around the quotes) I loved from this week’s episode of Abbott Elementary. Class is in session!
JANINE: Oh, no, I’m very good at canvassing. People always open the door for me ’cause they think I’m a lost child.
Long live petite shorties! What makes this Janine quote so funny is Brunson’s matter-of-fact, outwardly confident manner in which she says it. Her size is a positive in this instance because it helps her gain signatures for petitions. I’d wager at least one person has tried to call Child Protective Services after finding her on their doorstep.
AVA: I would tell y’all my plan, but then it’d be compromised and this walk-off wouldn’t be as enticing.
Janelle James knows how to deliver a line. If anyone can master the art of walking away in style without disclosing their plans, it’s Principal Ava Coleman. Did you see the way Melissa was looking at Ava? The mysterious walk-off works. That’s a Scorpio move.
GREGORY: It’s like going to see Paramore without Hayley Williams.
JANINE: There are other people in that band?
Listen, this line might specifically pertain to me as a human and mid-aughts emo kid. I’ve been listening to Paramore since 2005 (Shout out, All We Know Is Falling). This quote only deepened my ardent love for Gregory. He’s a man of many facets. It also proves that, despite Paramore consisting of multiple members, the band name is synonymous with Hayley Williams.
BARBARA: Every student is special, and you have to give them your best. And you hope that they will carry it with them, but at the end of the day, they have to decide who they want to be. And this one decided to be a jackass.
Barbara Howard is a queen. This line cracks me up because Barbara doesn’t swear. She’s not a fan of throwing around expletives willy-nilly. So, you’ve got to really anger her to get her to say words like “jackass.” Sheryl Lee Ralph brilliantly doles out what’s initially a sweet, thought-provoking quote that takes a hilarious, unexpected turn. Don’t mess with our favorite kindergarten teacher.
TARIQ: I’m looking at a lot of avenues untouched by mainstream rappers. I got a whole gang of national park songs, mainly about how mountaintops look like boobies. I got an anti-Amazon song. I got a pro-Amazon song called “She Gon’ Get This Package.” I got a song about endangered species ’cause I’m trying to help them bring velociraptors back. You know, when they get the mosquitoes in that amber.
Tariq is, hands down, one of my favorite recurring characters on Abbott Elementary. Zack Fox is hysterical. I love this monologue he delivers toward the end of “Festival.” Something about Tariq assisting scientists with reviving dinosaurs because of what he saw in Jurassic Park makes me giggle. Tariq is an out-of-the-box innovator. The show needs to release these tracks ASAP.
On a similar note, it sounds like Tariq is returning to Philly. Will he try to rekindle things with Janine? Only time will tell.
What are your favorite quotes from “Festival”? Sound off in the comments below!
Abbott Elementary airs Wednesdays at 9/8c on ABC, with next-day streaming on Hulu.