by Jason Shomer

So here I am, kids are in bed, wife is passed out on the couch next to me, already played a bunch of video games…already snuck in an extra bowl of ice cream. Before I gather up the strength to stand up and walk 20 paces to my bed, I do what I usually do to delay my upcoming state of unconsciousness…that’s to look up some new tech that might make my easy life a bit easier. I’ve been doing this every night for a while and one item that keeps coming up on my lists, which is surprising to me, are the future of flashlights. Really? A source of light? As a species, haven’t we gone as far as we can making things brighter? I had to investigate some more…

To my surprise, there are an endless amount of sophisticated, new and improved, upcoming flashlights for you to choose from. Check it out for yourself… It’s pretty amazing.

Each one has its own feature. Whether it’s got a million different strobe settings, can work in water and outer space, or shine brighter than the sun, it seems like there’s enough options available for a “flashlight of the month club.”

So, what does this mean for me? Why should I throw down some hard bit-coin cash (can I use that to pay?) to invest in one of these bright bad boys?

Well, like most things I impulse-buy, I need to keep the kids in mind. The majority of these “military grade” flashlights are sold as emergency equipment. Something you’re going to need during unexpected catastrophic event. I thought to myself, besides providing different types of light, how else can these shine sticks help me and my family during an actual crisis? Well, let’s think about it in terms of individual HOLY CRAP events….

I’m in California, so the first thing that comes to mind is an earthquake. OK, there’s a big earthquake,  power is out and we’re huddled in our cracked house (as in there are cracks from the earthquake, not that we sell crack in our house) and boom: I pull out my new flashlight to use. But what am I really using it for this situation? Probably searching for toys. My daughter’s doll, now buried under a small hill of crumbled asbestos, will be much easier to find with an army strength military flashlight. Most of my boy’s Minecraft stuff reflects with light so that would make it easier to find. So, that’s a check in the PRO column for earthquakes.

Zombie apocalypse? I thought hard about this one…because we all know this is a very real possibility. If I could see the zombies coming down my street towards us, all I have to do is grab my new flashlight (one that can project a bright spot a mile away) and shake against someone’s else’s house down the street! The kids will LOVE watching the zombies chasing after the mini ball of light as if the undead were cats!

Giant flood? Yeah that’s when I’m breaking out my waterproof LED bad boy. Nothing makes a natural disaster pass by easily when you’re putting on an entertaining shadow puppet show underwater. How do I not have one of these already?

Right now, just like everyone else, I use the flashlight on my phone. Yet somehow, it never helps in stopping me from crushing a Lego piece, stubbing my toe on a princess castle, or stepping on one of my dogs giant ears. So a combination of necessity and the preparation for catastrophic entertainment has led me to finally order one of these.

So, if you see a dog shadow puppet show reflecting off the Los Angeles skies, assume it’s me, once again, preparing for the worst case scenario.