DISCLAIMER: This Orphan Black recap contains more spoilers than Krystal and Brie have YouTube followers (so…50,001?), so proceed with caution.

Greetings, Sestras and Brother Sestras! You know what helped alleviate some of the emotional trauma I experienced from tonight’s Orphan Black? Seeing my favorite “Big Cosmetics Truth Teller” Krystal! She completely stole the show for me, and I’m so relieved she was given her fair due. We need some of the lighter moments to balance out the high-stakes tension that Orphan Black is so great at curating. The Powers That Be also granted us a much needed escape for Cosima off the Island, with little Charlotte in tow. And, unfortunately, Susan Duncan met her end as she steered too closely to upending PT’s agenda. So many things to unpack this episode! Shall we march onward into the fray?

We open with our beloved Krystal (Tatiana Maslany) and Brie (Cara Ricketts) in the middle of their YouTube video, informing the public that they’ve reached 50,000 loyal followers. Yes, queens! To celebrate, they begin a tutorial on how to achieve the perfect party look with minimal accessories. Krystal begins unraveling hair rollers from Brie’s hair, but as she unravels said rollers clumps of hair accompany them. Brie’s hair is falling out at an alarming rate. Uh oh. That can’t be good. 

Meanwhile, our duo heads to the basement of Rabbit Hole Comics and shows their video to Art (Kevin Hanchard) and Scott (Josh Vokey). Krystal believes “Big Cosmetics” are behind the dilemma and they potentially poisoned Brie as a revenge tactic. She asks for their help in getting to the bottom of the conspiracy. This is right up Art and Scott’s alley, right? Also side note: where is Hell Wizard? 

Pictured: Kevin Hanchard and Josh Vokey

Then, Mr. Frontenac (Andrew Moodie) arrives at Mrs. S’s (Maria Doyle Kennedy) house to retrieve Kira (Skyler Wexler), as she’s supposed to start treatments at Dyad. Sarah informs Rachel’s lackey that Kira is sick. Mr. Frontenac feels Kira’s forehead and comes to the conclusion that she doesn’t have a fever. However, she vomits on his shoes, proving that she is indeed ill. Mr. Frontenac decides to leave her be for the day, and takes his leave. 

Later, at PT Westmorland’s mansion, Mud (Jenessa Grant) pops downstairs to see to Cosima, who’s still locked in the same cage as the deceased Yanez. She implores the young girl to release her, that PT is not who she thinks he is. Cosima mentions that PT plans to test Kira as he did Yanez and she needs to “warn her family.” Even that wasn’t enough to convince Mud. Quit being brainwashed! 

Pictured: Jenessa Grant and Tatiana Maslany

Then, we discover that Kira is okay – she was administered Ipecac syrup to induce the puke fest. Sneaky sneaky! Talk about faking sick to skip school.

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Meanwhile, Mrs. S gives Sarah the skinny on how Delphine has been helping them. She warned Mrs. S of Dyad wanting to exploit Kira for their own gain. Mrs. S. also mentions that Delphine is going to meet Felix and Adele in Geneva as they continue unearthing Dyad’s financial accounts. Our S received a fax detailing Dyad’s deals with pharmaceutical companies and cosmetic companies. Dirty money, you guys. 

Then, Sarah and S commence a Skype call with our quartet at Rabbit Hole Comics. Krystal tells the unfortunate tale of Brie’s hair loss and how it may connect to Dyad. A company called Blue Zone Cosmetics, headed by CEO Len, was sold to a Dyad subsidiary. Bingo! Perhaps there was something to Krystal’s “Big Pharma” witch hunt. 

Meanwhile, Mr. Frontenac informs a very zen Rachel that Kira is sick. As in, “vomiting on articles of clothing” sick. Rachel seems hesitant at postponing Kira’s treatment but approves of Frontenac’s judgement call. 

Later, Susan (Rosemary Dunsmore) tells PT Westmorland (Stephen McHattie) that with Yanez out of the picture he can now focus on the matter at hand – Kira’s mutation. Susan advocates for Cosima’s release, that Kira won’t comply unless she is with a friendly face. PT, holding a childish grudge against our Cos for figuring him out, refuses to let her go. This guy is supposed to be 170 years old? Shouldn’t grudges be beneath him?

PT asks Susan if she remembers who he is. She responds with a name – John. His real name is John? Revelations! Then, PT brings in another very familiar face to help offset Susan’s “lies.” Virginia Coady (Kyra Harper) strolls into the den, much to Susan’s shock. The Holy Trinity is reunited once again. 

Meanwhile, Sarah is struck with an idea – maybe she should go undercover as Krystal to coax information out of Len regarding Dyad and its connections to Lin28A. After all, Len and Krystal were having a fling. She calls Art and urges him to convince Krystal to set up a date. Sarah dons a blonde wig and impersonates Krystal, making Kira laugh. Seriously, how does Maslany do it? She even impersonates herself! 

Pictured (L to R): Kevin Hanchard, Josh Vokey, Cara Ricketts, Tatiana Maslany

Now, Art convinces Krystal to leave Brie with Scott. Our favorite former Dyad scientist will conduct tests on Brie ensure she wasn’t poisoned. Also, Scott deserves a moment to save the day. Go, Scott, go!

Then, Coady pays Cosima a visit in the basement. She tries to persuade Cos to join Team Coady – use her mighty intellect for their crazy science. Coady candidly admits they all will be exploited, so might as well hop aboard the testing train. At least she’s honest. Cosima, possessing a sound moral code, declines her offer. 

Pictured: Tatiana Maslany

Meanwhile, Susan informs Ira (Ari Millen) that Coady has returned. He is curious to meet her, as he wants to learn more about himself. She did create Castor, after all. Susan slaps him, then reminds Ira that Castor was created as a weapon, a scare tactic. We see Ira begins to glitch, more violently this time. He’s not as well as he seems. No! This is all we have left of Castor, and I quite enjoy seeing Millen perform. Susan admits that she should’ve ended Coady when she had the chance. Ira volunteers to get closer to the scientist to do just that – end her. 

Later, Scott and Brie get cozy. Well, he helps her remove her sweater so, as Krystal puts it, she “doesn’t get blood on it.” Get it, Scott! Like I said earlier, he deserves something good in his life. He begins testing Brie for all things suspicious. 

Meanwhile, Ira finally spots Coady in Revival. She heads inside the medical trailer and he follows her. Here, he sees her drawing blood from a perfectly healthy boy, and also notices several bags of blood on the counter. Coady also observes that Ira is glitching, even though he refuses to admit the fact. She informs him that she’s very close to finding a cure for the Castor clones. Ira asks if his brothers are still alive, to which Coady answers with silence. I wouldn’t trust her if I were you, pal. 

Later, Art and Sarah contact Krystal in preparation for the meeting with Len. However, they discover that Krystal is one step ahead of them and is already about to meet with Len herself. You’re not needed for this, Sarah. While initially the duo responds negatively to Krystal’s executive decision, they allow our Nancy Drew to go through with it.

So, the door opens and we finally meet Len (Tom Cullen). Does he look familiar to you? He’s only Maslany’s real-life boyfriend! I’m tickled that they were able to get him on the show. He enters the room and they start making out, which of course makes Sarah and Art uncomfortable. They urge Krystal to stay on task. Finally, she blatantly asks Len about his selling Blue Zone out to Dyad. This gets his Spidey senses tingling. 

Meanwhile, Scott informs Brie that her blood looks fine, and nothing has contaminated it. In her excitement she admits that she’s attracted to nerdy guys. Scott seems on board for this. Then, Brie shows him a bottle of face cream she stole from Len himself, which rouses suspicion in Scott. Perhaps this caused the hair loss? 

Pictured: Cara Ricketts and Josh Vokey

Now, Krystal continues to probe Len for information. He simply replies that he sold out to Dyad for the fun of it, for more money. No real rhyme or reason behind it. Krystal regroups in the bathroom, and is unconvinced that he’s telling the truth about the sell, nor is he telling the truth about loving her vlog. He’s never seen her vlog! Meanwhile, Sarah gets a call from Scott regarding the face cream. 

Then, Ira informs Susan about Coady’s blood bags. Susan comes to the conclusion that PT is partaking in para bialysis, the process of withdrawing blood from children to insert into “old veins.” That dude will do anything to prolong his life. The light bulb goes off in Susan’s head – she picks up an assortment of drugs intended for PT. She tells Ira that Coady will not cure him, but Cosima could. Susan urges the Castor clone to get Mud and Cosima on their side. She hands him a packet, and confesses her intention to bring down all of Neolution. Susan Duncan, the hero we all need. 

Meanwhile, Sarah tells Krystal about the face cream Brie stole, and its effect on her friend. Len confronts Krystal after he discovers the same face cream on her vanity. He tells her that it’s a prototype, not meant for public use yet. After kicking him in the family jewels and throwing him in a headlock, Krystal gets Len to confess that Dyad is using the cream as a “delivery system” of sorts – the next step in genetics. Those dirty scientists! Of course they would taint the sanctity of makeup with their crazy schemes. Krystal rubs the cream all over Len’s beard so it falls out, then proceeds to kick him out – literally. I love Krystal so much. 

Later, Mud discovers that Aisha (Sirena Gulamgaus) is dead, despite reports of her improvement. Her mother wails over her lifeless body. Mud goes downstairs to inform Cosima. Once again, Cosima urges the girl to escape with her. Ira joins them, and tells the duo that Susan has a plan to revolt. He informs Cosima of PT using the blood of children to help sustain him. Mud reveals her story of how PT saved her from being a junkie.

Pictured: Ari Millen and Jenessa Grant

Meanwhile, PT calls Rachel and inquires about Kira missing her first day of testing. She apologizes and vows to remedy the situation immediately. Uh oh. Kira might be visiting Dyad sooner than we think. 

Then, Mud begins PT’s daily dialysis process by inserting the needle. Susan pops in behind her and injects a drug cocktail into the dialysis concoction. Lethal drug combination equals dead Neolutionist. PT gives Mud words of encouragement, and urges her to forgive herself for what happened to Salvador in the woods. Don’t fall for it, Mud!

Meanwhile, Ira releases Cosima from her cage, but continues to have violent glitch episodes in the process. He hands Cosima the same envelope Susan gave him. 

Later, Rachel arrives at Mrs. S’s house to pick up Kira. Mrs. S, of course, attempts to put her foot down but Rachel holds too much sway over her. Rachel insists it’s a “sleep study” and perfectly harmless. Kira willingly goes with her. 

Then, Cosima leaves the medical trailer in Revival with the cure in tow and attempts to escape with Charlotte, but is prevented from doing so by the villagers. Cosima shows them the contents of the envelope Susan gave her – a photo of PT from 1967, looking incredibly young. Cosima tells the whole settlement that PT is a fraud, and that the Fountain of Youth doesn’t exist. He’s bleeding children for his own gains. They allow Cosima to pass, and she takes Charlotte (Cynthia Galant) with her. The settlers of Revival begin setting their little encampment ablaze, in protest of PT. Down with the patriarchy!

Later, Coady uncovers Susan’s plan to assassinate PT. She removes the catheter from his veins. We see Mud standing forlornly in the background. She clearly went to Coady and told on Susan. Susan defends herself to the contrary. 

Meanwhile, Cosima and Charlotte are out in the same boathouse Sarah was in the season premiere. They’re waiting for Susan and Ira to join them. Then, we see Ira, nose bleeding profusely, stumble upon a still Susan. She’s dead and connected to the same catheter meant to kill PT. Ira rests his head in her lap, still bleeding. Cosima and Charlotte decide to leave the Island, now convinced that the latter duo won’t be joining them. 

Then, we see Mud pick up the photograph of a young PT. She stares at it in disbelief, while Revival behind her burns. People are running, gathering their loved ones and beginning to flee. PT watches his world collapse. 

What an episode! Definitely the best episode of this season thus far. I have a feeling the last four episodes will be just as action-packed as this one. Why are there only four episodes left of Orphan Black? I need it to go on forever! Everything from Krystal’s scenes with Len to Susan’s tear-inducing downfall to Ira’s slow decline into illness was perfection. We had the prime blend of comedy and drama to slake our thirsts. But, as per Orphan Black’s usual, so many tissues were used during my viewing of this episode. 

Do you think Ira will succumb to the same illness as his brothers? What does Dyad have in store for Kira? Will Ira take his revenge out on PT, or suffer the same fate as her? Where is Cal? How will this insane final trip end? Only time will tell…and four episodes, of course. Until next week…

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Orphan Black continues The Final Trip Saturdays at 10pm on your BBC America affiliate. 

 

Melody McCune

Melody McCune

Before moving to Los Angeles after studying theater in college, I was born and raised in Amish country, Ohio. No, I am not Amish, even if I sometimes sport a modest bonnet. I also work publicity for WhedonCon, a convention celebrating the works of Joss Whedon. I love cheese. I love geek. I love lamp.
Melody McCune